I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He felt like a one man threesome
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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