His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
as a side note pls kill me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
