My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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