If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
