we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
