Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
being pregnant is like rehab
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
