Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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