I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize