Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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