oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
