So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
