So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
