I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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