Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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