did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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