I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
please come you make the beer taste better
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize