Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
