My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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