I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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