Whod you bang
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
that is very illegal...i love you.
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