Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your cock deserves a montage
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
