can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Reggie can tackle my bush.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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