you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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