Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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