I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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