dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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