My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize