C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
