i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
