He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
