did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
