You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
