fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
