Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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