how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
