hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize