Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
