Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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