dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
