you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
