watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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