chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
