Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
