Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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