so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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