I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
