You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
