Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize