i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
