What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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