KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
