I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
