After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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