God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Will exercising make me less horny?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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