The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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