No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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