Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
