Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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