I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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