i think my mom watched the whole time
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
