Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
