i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
