Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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