i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
