I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
