Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
