I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
do herpes really smell.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My ass is underappreciated
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
