She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have aggressive nipples.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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