I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
