just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
