Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize