So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
