Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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