Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I look better un-naked...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
