About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
