I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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