Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
