took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
