Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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