$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
