Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
