it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
