Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Be still, my beating vagina.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
