Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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