We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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