Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
there is glitter all over my balls
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