Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
