were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
