I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
