K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
