Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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