I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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