I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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