Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
