he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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