I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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