God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
