Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize