i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
