Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
