You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
