dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
