Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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