he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
