Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
