Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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