He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
