i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
