you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
