it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
